If my taste buds ever decide to not like Dr. Pepper, I will have no choice but to cut off my tongue.

Weed Eater Hazard

   While I'm lazying away on the computer trying to not make my fantasy football team suck and failing at it, my mother is doing some productive work with the weed eater outside. The only problem is the dumb dog keeps trying to go after it, which of course is really stupid. If he did get a bite at it I imagine his mouth would get all shredded up and just be hanging there all bloody with splats of blood on the house and my mother. Sounds gross. I don't even like that dog. He's not very good at being good. Maybe I can convince my mother that we need to sell him to the circus because if he stays here he will wind up getting his face shredded up in the weed eater. I don't know how much the circus would pay for a dog, but we found him in a cemetery so any amount would be a profit.

Human Wash

   I was sitting in a car wash today and had a thought. What if there was a car wash system for humans? I don't know about you guys, but when I am in a shower, all I want to do is stand there with the warm water hitting my back and running all over while I ponder life. Some of my best thoughts are in the shower. I don't want to be distracted with having to wash myself. There should be machines that do that for me. Before your shower, you set a time length, water temperature, and if you want shampoo and conditioner for this wash (All body washes, shampoos, and conditioners will have to be poured into the machine on your own time. If you're rich you can have your butler do it. Or if you have an awesomely trained dog you can have the dog do it). Once you've finished the settings, step on in and that's it. The machine will go through all the modes leaving you free to ponder life, or practice singing, or do your makeup, or get started on the report you need for that meeting in an hour. Whatever it might be, you now have extra time to do it. Once you're in, the water comes on and spinning brushes run up and down your body, spitting out soap as they do their work.if you prefer bar soap, a flat edge arm will scrape some butter off and spread it over you like butter on bread. The shampoo arm will have little fingers that will thoroughly scrub your hair clean while giving you the best scalp massage ever. Of course you're probably wondering, "Who would want to stand during that whole time?" Well remember, you are already standing for showers anyway. But you don't need to anymore! With this breakthrough technology, a bench can be placed in the shower for you to sit down during the shampoo stage. Towels are no longer necessary. Blow dryers will air dry you in seconds with warm air because who likes cold air after a shower?  And there you have it. The Human Wash.

Blog Post the First

    Greetings to all you internet goers. How are you? Welcome to A Simple, Random Blog. This is my first attempt at blogging so I hope it goes well. Obviously I have decided to create a blog for fun hobby reasons only and not to make any sort of income whatsoever. Now that I have revealed how humble I am, a few cents wouldn't hurt. I have been informed that the government needs all of my real job money even though I need it to live and more importantly for college, so I decided to give in to the internet and see what it can do for me. Come on internet! 

    Anyway, I'm sure you all are asking, "why the simple, random topic for a blog?" So am I. "You dummy. Everyone does a simple random blog!" I know. "You think you can just come in here and become a Blog Lord with that crap idea?!" No. You're right I should just give it up and and quit. I can't do anything right. "Hey man don't take it so bad. I didn't mean any of that. You go ahead and do whatever you like and enjoy yourself." Oh well thank you. I'll just try it out for a bit and see if it is any fun for me. So with that, stay tuned for random posts to this blog that will probably offer nothing of any significance to you or me. Thank you. Over.